-5

Last night we played $5+R.

We started at 9PM so I'd be able to get there, and I didn't really want to play in the first place- exhausted from the long day in NYC. By the time I came it was already started, and I was forced to sit next to Josh, as usual. I try so hard not to get tilted by his tapping, banging, cursing at himself and me, mimicking, and other childish behaviors. I ALWAYS end up cornered between him and some other idiot, and with all of the other stuff falling apart right now, I really couldn't stand being next to him. He put me on tilt so bad, started screaming at me and calling me a bitch and telling me that I'm more miserable than he is, and I knocked over his poker chips. It was really, really fucked up, and a wrong thing for me to do, but I just could not take him anymore. I'm so tired of being walked all over and having to be a bigger person, when there is no reason to deal with all of this shit.

So anyway, the poker game... I was just getting regular cards, some better than others, some worse. I had a good share of A8s, AQs, 45offs, etc. Playable hands, if I'm lucky. I would just never, ever hit. Even when I didn't play - there was only one hand that I would have hit trips on the flop. I could not hit anything.

After Josh blew up at me and I fucked with his chips, I had to walk away. I sat with Jason in the other room bitching about life and he was so good at listening to me. It was really helpful, and by the time I was ready to go back to the table, Neal came to get me for my big blind, which was so nice of him. When I returned to the table, Dan had folded me and he felt so bad that he gave me the $1.20 that I lost - which was a good 1/7th of my stack, at least. It was nice of him, I wish it didn't have to happen in the first place.

My last hand I had A9, and I decided that if I keep seeing it and not playing it I'm going to have to jump out of a window. So I played, got called by a pretty good player, Brandon, with AK. No biggie, it was a good call, maybe a bad push.

I'm just so tired of getting out early!